“That’s a thing people don’t talk about enough – that there are people who will judge even the way you mourn your loved ones.”

PLOT SUMMARY:

“If you’re reading this, you’ve likely thought that the world would be a better place without you.”

A single line of text, glowing in the darkness of the internet. Written by Ashley Lutin, who has often thought the same—and worse—in the years since his wife died and his young son disappeared. But the peace of the grave is not for him—it’s for those he can help. Ashley has constructed a peculiar ritual for those whose desire to die is at war with their yearning to live a better life.

Struggling to overcome his own endless grief, one night Ashley finds connection with Jinx—a potential candidate for Ashley’s next ritual—who spins a tale both revolting and fascinating. Thus begins a relationship that traps the two men in an ever-tightening spiral of painful revelations, where long-hidden secrets are dragged, kicking and screaming, into the light.

Only through pain can we find healing. Only through death can we find new life.

GRADE: A

REVIEW:

This book is a haunting exploration of the grotesque wrapped in lush, almost lyrical prose. LaRocca’s writing is elegant and poetic, with a grace that contrasts sharply against the dark and often disturbing imagery that unfolds throughout the story. The beauty of his language, full of intricate descriptions and poignant reflections, creates a stark juxtaposition to the horrors the characters experience. The audiobook’s narrator, Andrew Eiden does an excellent job at emoting Ashley Lutin’s turmoil throughout the book. I don’t usually like audiobooks but he truly made LaRocca’s twisted world come alive.

The novel’s chilling events—ranging from psychological torment to physical grotesqueries—are presented with a sense of eerie calmness, making the brutality all the more unsettling. LaRocca’s careful attention to detail in crafting these disturbing scenes only enhances their impact, as the reader is drawn into a world where beauty and terror coexist in an almost surreal harmony. The seamless blending of the poetic with the horrific turns each disturbing moment into something both grotesque and mesmerizing.

This juxtaposition is not just a stylistic choice but also deepens the emotional weight of the narrative. As Ashley grapples with his own loathing and despair, the elegance of the prose makes his suffering even more tragic. At Night, I Become Loathsome is a masterclass in how beauty can amplify horror, creating a truly unsettling and unforgettable reading experience. I highly recommend purchasing this as an audiobook for the ultimate reading experience.

*Thank you so much to NetGalley & Blackstone Publishing for the audiobook copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!

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