I suppose I had hoped that my memory would’ve crippled you
Not to move on.
Instead, I see you smiling with your wife.
Your children remind me so much of you, with those
crooked smiles and messy curls.
I guess I just wished you had wanted those things with me,
Instead of her.
I break my phone’s screen so that I don’t have to witness your happiness
Without me.
By: Azzurra Nox
Burberry is as much British as high tea and the Queen, just take a look at their signature tartan packaging. Based in London, before the brand was known for their fragrances, it was originally known for its iconic trench coat as far back as 1856! This new fragrance is a homage to the iconic coat and the women of that era, that were both feminine but progressive.
Size: 1.6-oz./50-ml.
Price: $90
Fragrance Family: Floral
Top Notes: Pomegranate and Lemon
Middle Notes: Geranium, Crisp Apple, and Rose Petal
Base Notes: Jasmine and Wisteria
Time of Day: Daytime/Early Evening
What’s It Smell Like: A romantic stroll in a London park.
Verdict: I have to admit I haven’t always been a fan of Burberry’s fragrances in the past, but ever since they’ve released Body and My Burberry a couple of years ago, I’ve totally been onboard with the new fragrances. This one is exceptionally feminine, but in no way is it safe. It’s a bit flirty without being too obnoxious, and simply smells divine. If you ever wanted to smell like a sweet British garden with a hint of posh (think Baby Spice meets Posh Spice), then this fragrance is right for you!
Where To Buy It: https://www.sephora.com
By: Azzurra Nox
I’ve arrived too late.
You’ve used up all your love and
outrageous displays of affections on someone else.
So that when Valentine’s Day passes by,
There are no flowers or romantic adventures.
You tell me, “I’ve done this all before—I’m tired.”
But you’ve done nothing with me
For me.
I’m left picking up the crumbs,
cause I’ve come too late.
And someone else has already eaten my cake.
By: Azzurra Nox
What It Is: A long-lasting liquid lipstick
Perks: Cruelty-free and made in California
Verdict: I’ve tried out several liquid lipstick brands since they’ve gotten popular over the past year or so. I was looking forward to trying out Sugar Pill cause I’ve always been a fan of the brand, plus I’ve been trying to find the perfect rose gold shade with subtle glimmer. The colour I got, Trinket is simply gorgeous! The awesome thing about this specific liquid lipstick is that when applied, the colour is a rose shade, but once you press your lips together, the gold shimmer is activated. So, the more you smack your lips together, the more gold shimmer will be visible. It’s a very flattering metallic shade, and it can be worn both casually or for an evening night, especially now with the holidays, the gold glimmer will give you that much needed holiday vibe without going too overboard. As for the formula, it is lightweight, but long-lasting (and when I say long-lasting I truly mean it! I can apply this lipstick at 7a.m. and not need to reapply even once and it stays put till I remove it around 9p.m.). Another plus is that the formula doesn’t dry out your lips, your lips actually feel uber hydrated throughout the day (a much-needed bonus during the harsh winter temperatures!). So give this shade a try, and liberate your inner sugarplum fairy!
Price: $18
Where To Buy It: I got mine at the Dolls Kill site (https://www.dollskill.com/) or https://sugarpill.com
By: Azzurra Nox
Masks have always been my so-called beauty crack (meaning that I could never have too many stashed away!). Although face masks are all the rage lately, I still prefer clay masks overall (mostly because apparently I am extremely impatient and can’t seem to wait 10-15 minutes without doing nothing at all). At least with clay masks I can still do other beauty regimens (like painting my nails!). I’m all about multi-tasking. I may also love clay masks more because I have naturally oily skin, and always feel like this sort of mask truly combats in soaking up some of my natural oils without drying out my skin.
What It Is: Active charcoal mask to clear pores.
What It Does: Unclogs and clears pores.
Active Ingredient: China clay and Charcoal
Verdict: As I mentioned above, I simply love clay masks because they always leave my skin ultra-clean and refreshed. I’ve always been a fan of Origins products, so was very psyched to receive this product in my Sephora Play monthly subscription for November. This mask is simply A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! It will make your skin feel brighter and smoother in less than ten minutes! This mask is especially effective for those who like me have oily to combination skin, but it’s gentle enough for even sensitive or dry skins to use as well as this mask (unlike some other clay masks) doesn’t leave my skin ultra-dried out but rather it leaves it feeling supple, hydrated, but not oily. In other words, it’s the equivalent of drinking a tall glass of crisp cucumber-lime water. A more effective way of using this product is to first use a warm, wet towel pressed against your skin to help open up the pores and then to apply a thin layer of the mask all over your face, concentrating mostly on your T-zone. This mask is gentle enough to use twice a week or you can use it on trouble spots more times throughout the week.
Price: $27
Where To Buy It: https://www.origins.com
By: Azzurra Nox
It was a hot, Coney Island summer and we were headed towards the Wonder Wheel. Hands entwined as always, as I pulled off pieces of candy floss. The sugar melted in our mouths, sharing sticky kisses. We laughed feeling lucky for that moment. We had fallen in love in April, and although it was merely July (three months later) we felt like we had been together forever. We were inseparable. No one else mattered to us but each other. We lived on kisses and sugary sweets. We had no regard for day or night, we were always awake, always up to something.
“You know there’s an old gypsy tale that if you ride the Wonder Wheel with someone else, you’ll be together forever,” he said to me, his dark hair blowing into his eyes.
“Are you sure you wanna be stuck with me forever?” I joked.
But I couldn’t imagine my life without him. He was the one person I loved to talk to at any hour of the day, and even when we’d spend the day watching Asian horror movies and eating takeout I’d never get bored.
Like two enthusiastic kids, we got on the Wonder Wheel, feeling like we were on top of the world. Everyone below us was so tiny, and he kissed me at the top of the Ferris Wheel. I could’ve lived in the moment forever. I wanted to live in that moment forever. I wished the night would melt into my veins, and that I could swallow the stars.
“I love you,” he murmured. A phrase he’d tell me so often during the day, and no matter how many times he said it still managed to make me melt. I’d wake up with his uttering his love, and drifted to sleep with him declaring it one more time. I could feel his love embrace my whole being. My heart was full. It had never felt so full before.
And then one day catastrophe happened.
Because fate is unkind to lovers. Fate tore us apart, and ever since my heart has never felt full again. Like those people who can still feel their limbs after amputation, I too, feel this phantom love. Other times I’m just aching for the part of me that isn’t there because he had become so essential to my being.
I often think about that moment at the Wonder Wheel. A part of me hopes that the superstition is true. That fate can be bent and he’ll find his way back to me. Or that time can be rewound and I can find myself back on the top of the Ferris Wheel, our lips sticky with sugar, sharing kisses, sharing breaths, sharing dreams.
By: Azzurra Nox
I was recently gifted this product from the Allure Enthusiasts program. I wasn’t sure what to initially think of this product, since I’ve never considered purchasing something similar before. But alas, I figured I’d give it a shot and see what the hype was all about (after all could 500 million buyers be wrong?). This product is made in Japan and each box contains seven eye masks (one for each day of the week?). The heat generated by this eye mask is approximately 104 degrees F.
What It Is: Relaxing Eye Mask
What It Does: Promotes relaxation through the use of warm steam and lavender scent.
Verdict: I tried this on after a particularly tiring and cold night. The scent is very potent (meaning if you love lavender then you’ll love it, but if it annoys you, then it’ll seem pungent). I personally enjoyed the scent and helped me to relax. Being perpetually cold and at times suffering from head colds, the eye steam aspect of this mask was what I loved the most. The box says that the warming effect only lasts 10 minutes, but it actually was more like 30 minutes for me. Wearing this eye mask is like being lulled in a soft cuddly embrace and makes you feel like you’re truly getting pampered. Needless to say, I quickly fell asleep soon after.
Price: $10.99
Where To Buy It: Amazon
By: Azzurra Nox
What It Is: Highly Pigmented Liquid Matte Lipstick
Verdict: I bought this lipstick because I was looking for a matte liquid lipstick that was a blood red hue, and so I ended up getting the Roseblood shade out of this collection. I wasn’t sure what to expect since I haven’t been impressed with too many liquid lipsticks from other brands, except for Jeffree Star (my absolute favourite brand for liquid lipsticks). What I can say is that I’m pleasantly surprised by how amazing this product is! First of all, the colour is highly pigmented (albeit that you have to slick on about two layers of it since the first layer is more sheer than dark), but the best thing about this liquid lipstick is that it’s NOT drying AND it looks amazing (meaning it doesn’t play up the lines in your lips but rather comes out looking very smooth-looking an uniform). Bonus point: This lipstick doesn’t come off even after a serious makeout session.
Price: 9.99
Where To Buy It: CVS, Target, and www.lorealparisusa.com
By: Azzurra Nox
I met you in the City of Love, or most commonly known as Paris. I was heartbroken and crying my eyes out along the Seine when you stopped me and asked me if I needed help in any way. “Are you capable of fixing a broken heart?” I said with a slight embarrassed laugh in between the tears. You were gentle and kind, and although your eyes are of the lightest shade of blue, they were the warmest color in that cold winter day.
You were in the city with your brother because he had a film meeting, and I was there to see “The Soulmate” (brooding musician that made any girl sigh as he walked by) only to find out that what should’ve been a getting back together weekend turned out to be a breaking up for good when he admitted that a girl he was casually seeing was impregnated with his baby. Somehow that cemented the fact that I needed to walk away for good.
My infatuation for you was both sudden and fleeting. I loved the way you held your paintbrush as you went on a painting frenzy, mixing the colours till they transformed into magic. Your kisses were warm, but my heart was cold. I’d touch you hoping that I’d feel something inside of me stir, but my heart was too wounded to even find a weak beat in its dark crevices.
We shared cappuccinos and croissants in Florence, admired Botticelli’s art, and walked along the bridge over the Arno River. You held unto my hand as though you never wanted to let it go, and yet I always walked a step ahead of you, as though I wanted to disentangle from your affection.
And yet the months went by and I kept living in old black and white photographs whilst your world was in technicolor. You didn’t know how dark my world had become, I was so good at smiling in your presence. But tears would plague me the moment I was alone. I didn’t even know what I was crying over. The end of a relationship? Losing the soulmate? Or was I merely devastated that I couldn’t feel what you felt for me?
Love for you was eternal Spring, whilst I was living the most dreadful winter. When it came time for me to tell you the truth and let you go, I watched your heart crack leaving dreadful red marks down your chest and I wished that I could repaint a better picture. I yearned so much that I could distort the world to make it appear as beautiful as you saw it, because I wanted to much to be a part of it, but I don’t think I ever was.
The stars had abandoned me. There was only darkness in my road and you deserved the light.
By: Azzurra Nox
Maybe if I had met him when I was older, I would’ve known that he was a beautiful disaster and that our so-called love was merely a one-sided obsession. But when you’re thirteen and you meet an older boy (he was seventeen at the time) with long, black hair who plays Beethoven in a way that makes your heart fall apart, well….you can’t help but feel like he’s the one.
I was a fellow pianist, such as him (although not quite as talented) and so that already made me feel as though we had something in common. So it was natural for me to suggest that he’d give me some tutoring lessons (which he had accepted to). My thirteen-years-old heart beat so fast you’d think I was close to a coronary. I was gonna be the first teenager to die of a burst-from-happiness heart.
Sadly, that happiness was very short lived.
Fast forward to when I’m seventeen. The Pianist and I are now not only friends, but I’ve managed to become a staple in his household. We’ve done Easter plays together, our families have spent holidays together, and we even planted a cactus together, my heart expanding every year when it’d bloom flowers, as though it were some proof of our unwavering love. But I was growing increasingly frustrated with my limited friend label. I wanted more. I wanted a mad love, stolen kisses, and passionate summer nights. I wanted ice cream dates, movie dates, and gazing at the stars.
Then his twenty-first birthday came around and for the first time that I had ever known him he was having a party.
“I hope you can make it tonight,” he told me, his dark eyes shining with a secret. “I’ve got something I want to tell you.”
My brain went through all the various scenarios of what he could possibly be wanting to tell me. Of course, the curse of being in love is that you’re always hopeful, and so I spent the day listening to a shitty love song (“Kiss Me”) on repeat while applying makeup and slipping into the very best little black dress I owned. I was determined to look memorable.
Fast forward to a few hours later when The Pianist is pulling me away from the crowd of friends saying that we need to go outside. I follow wordlessly. But nothing would’ve ever prepared me for what truly happened.
His girlfriend arrived and he wanted me to be one of the first people to meet her. I was too in shock to properly react. I numbly went through the motions of civil interaction as my heart cracked in two.
I then managed to escape the party. I didn’t have a car at the time and I didn’t want to tell my parents that I was abandoning the party, so I walked all the way home. And I couldn’t even cry as living in a small town everyone knows everyone and me walking down the streets in tears would’ve been all over town by morning.
At home the waterfall of tears fell in painful torrents. I pulled down all the photos we had together from my wall. And then I saw it.
The cactus.
In a fit of rage I hurled it against the wall.
If you were willing to kill my love, I was willing to destroy any evidence of it.
Years later, still in love, I found myself writing a lengthy email to the Pianist. I wanted to explain my love, how I never stopped believing cause I wanted to be that radical that Ola Salo sang about so much.
You want to know what he said to my emotional vomit?
GOODLUCK.
But I guess luck has never been on my side.
If I were lucky, I never would’ve met you.
By: Azzurra Nox
The Inkblotters 