Poetry: A Mother’s Love by Erica Ruhe

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Withered, wasted, wanted, but not for lack of sleep

This heart has known no trail but that of defeat.

Wanted, wasted, weathered in this place of self-loathing and despair

I know not what life has to offer me outside the joy of my own

Wallowing.

What have I given in this life?

What is the purpose of this strife?

Where is the joy that I wish to see in my world?

I have not yet given it life in this day, this week, this year.

I have donned a selfish fishbowl on the lenses of my eyes

And need neither my wants nor my selfish desires of the heart.

I need only love of self, of my neighbor, and my mother who supports my feet.

She is my foundation.

She is of earth and water and fire and water.

She is all I have longed for in my own desires.

How I have taken her for granted, this loving mother

Who feeds and clothes me and puts me to sleep

Each night under a blanket of stars and willowed darkness.

I have appreciated her with only half my heart but as I lie here

In this grass and count the clouds I am comforted by

The Love

I’ve never seen in myself

Reflected her skies.

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Poetry: 23:57 by Azzurra Nox

It seems as if this time never ends,

When your beauty makes my heart bend.

I’ve been popping pills in the night

Because I no longer have my source of light.

Counting black sheep until dawn

You always annoy me when you yawn.

Do you care when you see me cry?

Or do you think it’s all a lie?

I’ve been trying to think this through.

But with each passing day my time is due.

Would you care if I confessed

That your love makes me feel blessed?

I have this desire to die for you.

But I’m not sure if you’ll want me to.

And not because I think you’d care,

But rather because you’d feel bare

To know that your careless love

Has caused my state of despair.

It seems as if this time never ends.
When will your beauty make my heart bend?

Before it all falls apart,

And I’ll have to crawl back to the start

Trying to love you again,

Because this time never ends

As my heart will always bend for you.

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Did you enjoy this poem? You can find this poem and many others in Bleed Like Me: Poems for the Broken

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Poetry: Paper Monsters

A black Sicilian veil cloaks my ashen thoughts.

He tastes like half-eaten candies,

Licorice and cinnamon.

Cobblestone streets reflect minuscule paper monsters.

My heart is filled with a fiery lava, the kind that

Explodes from Etna in the sky at night.

I’ve been waiting for his return.

I’m afraid that soon the fire in my heart

Will fade and become an ice black.

Almond blossoms adorn my bed,

His last words echo in my brain and I writhe

Restlessly….

My body aches for his touch—

I just want to break a little….

I dream of becoming a tragic heroine

A Giovanni Verga character incarnate.

This is how you draw a broken heart:

Dip your fingers in blood and don’t

Hesitate to botch the final project.

His image hovers over me like

A storm cloud in April…

Ever present but translucent

As the flesh fades to cold coal.

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Did you enjoy this poem? You can find this poem and many others in Lost Girls Go Everywhere: Poetry & Prose on Amazon!

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Poetry: Midnight Secret

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It’s that time of night

Where I shut off my brain

Where I cast out the world

And I am alone

With you.

I purposely never speak of you

Frightened that my eyes will

Light up at your very memory

Too scared

That I won’t be able to conceal

The sugared affection in my voice

Were I to utter your name.

My tongue might lie

But my heart cannot.

I’ve never understood

What you and I are

But whatever we are

Our souls are forever intertwined

I’m the Catherine to your Heathcliff

And we’re just as hapless

As Wuthering Heights

It’s that time of night

Where I can relive our moments together

As I slowly drift to sleep

With hopes that I’ll meet you in my dreams

Because I know that once I’m awake

I will have to be without you

Another day.

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Short Fiction: My World is Glass by Erica Ruhe

My world is glass. Sometimes it’s a window. Sometimes it’s a mirror. Sometimes it’s dark and smoky. Sometimes it is radiant white. Sometimes it is as clear as the sky. When reflections take me to dark spaces within, sometimes I need a clear view, a clean window to look out and free my thoughts for a while. Sometimes these flights of fancy become hollow and vapid and my soul yearns to look deep into the well of the tragic and trudge through its depths for meaning. Sometimes my diversions lead me to dive into darkness I did not know was there. My world is glass. Sometimes I need a window and sometimes I need a mirror. Fragile, capable of distortion and illusion and yet the most convincing proof I have of my own existence. It allows me to peer through, and in to, and out of, and not. When the looking glass breaks I pray it will be the one that hides the truth of myself. It may not be the window. It may not be the mirror. Perhaps it is the lens that is bound to my eye. Until then I will look for that which is true; that which is me. Sometimes I need a window and sometimes I need a mirror but each will reveal that which I desire to see.

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Poetry: Goodbye, Melody

We crowded around the mirror

Painting our lips sinful red

We got drunk on Bailey’s

Because we were young and dumb

With Red Hot Chili Peppers on repeat

We daydreamed of Hollywood

And all the things we would become

Model, actress, triple threat superstar

Even then a part of me knew

That all our dreams would only remain

Dreams

Something to sigh over when we were older

But then I left for Hollywood

Without you

I was too old for frivolous dreams

And didn’t try to become

Any of those things I wished I could be

All those things we were certain we

could achieve

When they told me that you died

I already knew why before being told

All I asked was, “How?”

Because even at seventeen your gaze

Held a brokenness to it

That gave me insight into your future

I just wish that my intuition had been wrong

That I could be walking the Walk of Fame with you

Bathing in the waters of the Pacific Ocean together

Getting drunk in Griffith Park

Falling in love with movie stars

Although I’m often tempted to join you

I feel the burden of having to live

For the both of us

Striving to live and love

Like you can no longer do

Even if sometimes, I wish I could let go

Because living without you has become

A punishment I always wished I didn’t have to endure.

***

Did you enjoy this poem? You can find this poem and many others in Lost Girls Go Everywhere: Poetry & Prose on Amazon!

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Poetry: Unwanted Memories

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I removed your mark from my skin,

They gave me pills to forget.

I begged the stars to stop

spelling your name

But they’re cruel,

So I blinded myself instead.

There’s peace in darkness.

**

Did you enjoy this poem? You can find this poem and many others in Lost Girls Go Everywhere: Poetry & Prose on Amazon!

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Poetry: Insomniac

Some nights I wish I could simply sleep soundly

Clutching nothing but your photo

But some nights

The fact that you’re only a photograph for me

Now

Is enough to keep me up all night.

Did you enjoy this poem? You can find this poem and many others in Lost Girls Go Everywhere: Poetry & Prose on Amazon!

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Poetry: Supernova

Summers spent with sticky fingers

And cotton candy kisses

The Luna Park was our campground

Of our young love

Dancing to terrible music on repeat

Drinking rum and coke

You were the patron saint of vice

Blowing smoke rings and

Your hand in my hair

Whenever I’d suck your cock

Trying to be edgy

Wearing a torn I Love LA top

My lipstick smeared like Harley Quinn

Flying in the night on your motorcycle

The wind in my hair

Feeling free

Stars flowing from our wrists

Instead of blood

We were magical

We were invincible

We were one.

***

Did you enjoy this poem? You can find this poem and many others in Lost Girls Go Everywhere: Poetry & Prose on Amazon!

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Poetry: First Cuts Kill

broken-heart-candy

I should’ve known I was set up for heartbreak

The moment my eyes settled upon you

You were a modern Mozart

Wild hair and hands that could create

The most beautiful music

I yearned to be your piano

I wanted to be your favorite song

Maybe if I hadn’t been so young

I would’ve known that you were

A beautiful disaster

I had so much love for you

Just bursting at the seams with affection

I would’ve given anything to be your girl

But I didn’t know what to do

My teenage days were filled with a

Poe-ridden depression

Because I kept trying to make you mine

Always chasing your love

Not knowing that your heart

Was never something I could steal

Facing the world like I had been locked

In Mr. Rochester’s attic

Screaming at the injustice

Of being unloved

Not knowing that only some of us

Are meant to be the heroines

While the rest of us are forced to be

The villains

When I finally vomited my heart

Leaving it on your doorstep

You pitied my frailty

Wishing me good luck

But had I been lucky

I never would’ve met you.

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